New Beginnings?

Tonight I took a walk to meet a friend, as I was walking I smelled something burning. I didn’t think anything of it until I came back and the smell seemed to have gotten stronger, I thought maybe someone’s house was on fire. So I go to investigate.

I meet Mark and Brett. I think are their names, I know Marks is for sure.. But I’m horrible with names. So Anyway we get to talking, We’re drinking some beer, smoking a lil weed, ya know me… But then Brett decides he is going to bed. Now the whole night I have been watching them both and Mark seems to have this burden weighting him down. I can see it in his face.

So its just me and him, and for whatever reason, God spoke to him  or something inside him just told him he could trust me. And he lays out his entire situation, and the lies his been living. He tells his life story, he just unburden himself to me and throughout the whole night he just keeps saying, “I don’t know why I keep telling you this. Why am I telling you all my problems?”

I tell him honestly I don’t know, but I’m here to listen, I’m here to offer advice, maybe a different perspective on everything. Well, There are some really deep things he told me, at one point he was shedding tears of relief. We keep talking about everything, and finding ways to get him out of the situation he is in. And how I can help him. So I tell him my story of how my father made a deal with God for my life and my mothers, I was born without white bloods cells and had 25% chance of living, my mom wasn’t doing well either. So my father went to the chapel in the hospital, feel to his knees and prayed, “There is nothing I can do, if you have to take anyone take me.” More or less, I’m not really sure what he said. But whatever he did say, it worked, I’m still here kicking and screaming.

Mark turns and looks at me and says, “Man, just you telling me your story, you’ve given me hope, perhaps I do need God in my life more. ” So, I give him a sheet of paper, I tell him to write every thing he felt guilty for, everything he feared, everything… And I did the same. Together we asked God to come back into our lives, Then we lit out lists on fire, left all of it in God’s hands. And that was that.

I think perhaps I’ve finally figured out what I am doing on this planet. I’m a healer, a listener, guidance, maybe even a Pastor. I am not one of those preachers who will preach hate, prejudice, or anything like that. Mark said, I bring a message of hope. So I plan on getting my license so that I can help Mark out by driving him to work. He has a little issue with his drivers license lulz, but I feel like this is what I’m supposed to do.

Help this man get out of a situation that isn’t good for him, while the whole time I’m looking at it as writing experience. I even think I may open a church where everyone is accepted, LGBT, Straight, Black, White, Brown, Green, Purple…. I don’t care… You feel like you need help finding hope, I feel like I can bring you back to that path. And man I swear the change in Marks face as he told me everything, and seeing a way out, there was a new glint in his eye, his smile was brighter, it was like I literally gave him hope….. And I can’t tell you just how amazing that makes me feel. That I, with all my issues, struggles, dealing with pain and depression every day, could bring someone else hope.

But I guess, This is what God wants me to do, so I will follow her path for me. I feel like a completely new man today, and I don’t want to loss that feeling. I want to live everyday bringing people hope. Because there are a lot of people who could use some hope in their lives right now. I can’t believe I am even talking like this, for the longest time I have been angry with God, She has dragged me thru so much shit in my life, so much pain, heartache, suffering, loneliness… depression, But you know, Even my own story of how I was blessed with this life, when I tell it to people, reminds me that there is hope for a better tomorrow and I just have to find my path through it.

God doesn’t want us to be happy, He wants us to be strong.